Love the party, hate the scene.

The cats are back home after having to "fog" our house to kill the ants. Kinda stressful, but good in the way that emergencies can make you feel warm and fuzzy inside when your friends will take in 3 pets around town last minute.

Austin and I were both off today to spring clean... unpunx, I know. We really were slipping on the house though. Plus our one-year move in date is coming up soon; that's probably a good time to actually sweep under the couches, eh?

At least I have a good home situation. I love my home, my community of friends, our bike shop garage. May brings some worries as we'll be losing Das Fun Haus, Porch Honkey, and Thundy House all at the same time. That leaves the Kitchen, which is good, but not much else in the way of places to have shows. I'm sure Fixed Maquis will start riding/working on bikes again soon too; that's something else to look forward to.

Friday night knocked my socks off so hard that I'm still reeling in happiness from it. I did show up underdressed for Inferno; what was I thinking? Met new kids, saw old friends, our first adopted son met our new one and I still don't know how that went... ha. Security tried to pull a boy off the stage and Jack Terricloth pushed the guard away and pushed the boy into a stagedive. Beautiful. Inferno always keeps me going, even though my 2 dear friends who introduced me to them didn't show. How do we go almost 2 years without seeing each other, but I'm still going on a roadtrip to your wedding? That's true friendz.

On that note: I will always keep my faith in humanity remembering the friends that you can go years barely speaking to, but everything picks up right where you left off when you see each other again. Sometimes it's a little harder to have this faith after a bad day at work.. ha.. but it still keeps me going when I worry that I'm losing touch.

manifesto?

It's no secret that I graduated a year ago and don't know what the fuck I'm doing with my life.

I have this theory that if I let everyone know my goals and what I'm trying to change, they will ask me about them when we run into each other and keep me inspired and on track and keep me from avoiding the changes that will be hard.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the first Defiance, Ohio song I ever heard: Why am I angry? What am I searching for? Is it a better way to live? - and I realize, that's exactly what my problem is.

This blog is going to be about me finding a better way to live my life, stopping my participating in the things that make me feel angry and helpless in my decisions, growing towards a life where I can be proud of my actions and not think that if I died tomorrow I would leave behind a wasted life.

I want my friends and family to be part of these discussions, to keep me going through the hard parts, to ask me how it's going and to get involved in projects together.

Big plans are building up in my heart. A combination of lists from my sketchbook will follow soon.